January 25th, 2003


still upset

I'm still upset about that Survey thing I did..

Or really.. how I made other react..

I was called an artificial person..

Maybe she's right..

I don't know..

I do think that most of you know me enough to know that, artificial.. not honest and not acting directly from my heart, would be absolutely the last thing I would want to be...

LJ is a strange beast.. it's both private and public.

When I did start it, I did start because of two reasons.. well.. maybe 3. It would be to be able to write about things I did, and share it with online-friends etc. As in.. I wouldn't have to write to each and everyone of them. They could read my LJ, and get to know about it, and I wouldn't have to tell them, over and over again. Also it would be an extension to my site..

But, of course.. it's also been a way of having a journal, in the first place..

Even if I've kinda written to an audience, whatever that means, all the time, I've tried to avoid writing something for the sake of writing, as well as not letting the knowledge of an audience dictate how I write in it, except in making me address the audience, and try to make them understand me.

I've tried to, well.. honest. Writing only what I want to write, and writing it the way I want. As in in, writing only what I, in my heart, feel is the "right" thing to write.

Dunno.. LJ is a strange beast. Maybe I've became to concious about the audience, and turned into something that's not me.. An entertainer, careful of upsetting a single one.

Having become artificial.


Even if I don't want to..

Maybe it would be the best to delete the journal, instead of maybe being something I don't want to be..
  • Current Music